YOU ARE NOT ALONE 

There’s an amazing bravery about the very people who have emerged from the flames of their experience to then run back into it with buckets of water to help others.

In Gary’s case, he has been engulfed by the flames of being exposed to continued trauma, yet still returns time after time to recount his experience to help others. He has a lived knowledge and understanding of the impact of PTSD on self and family members.

Every story is unique in some way, but Gary’s story has a significant resonance with all those encountering vicarious trauma on an almost daily basis.

At this time, he was involved in close protection work – ‘A’ list celebrities, music and TV stars along with business personnel.

He joined the British Transport Police as a mature student in 2003 picking up many more specialist skills.

When 4 suicide bombers struck London’s transport network on 07 July 2005, 52 people were killed and over 770 others were injured. Gary was involved in the aftermath spending just under 2 months in the London Resilience temporary mortuary at the Honourable Artillery Company helping to identify the victims and the bombers.

This is when his PTSD escalated

Regardless of the extraordinary work our Emergency Services do, there is always a feeling of not being able to do enough even when saving lives is impossible. There is an unreal sense of failure and guilt with that ever-present question, ‘Could I have done more?’

In Gary’s case, he broke his golden rule whilst on duty dealing with the catastrophic scenes post 7/7.

The rule? Never look at any personal messages left for the deceased: 

“There was a bereavement card from a father to his only son and I broke my golden rule. I read it.”

“I had just become a dad again and it really hit home with me. I had to go outside to get some air.”

“I was racked with guilt that I was unable to save that young fella alongside the other 52 victims and those injured too. It's a strange thing to say, but having been part of our anti-terrorism team, that was my job, and I failed.”

“Survivor guilt.”

Policing duties involving violence, catastrophic acts of terror and everything associated with this, added to Gary’s bank of trauma.

Gary’s career was blighted by the stigma that everyone associated with this condition chose not to speak about or show their feelings despite its crippling effect.

In 2012 whilst on a specialist search team for the Olympics, he became involved in an off-duty matter, saving the lives of two police officers and the complainants.

In 2014 he was tried at Crown court for an offence of ABH, found guilty, and had to resign from the police service.

At his lowest ebb, he went to take his own life.

Suicides are common on the rail network and Gary attended many during his time with the British Transport Police. He was exposed to processing these horrendous occurrences and witnessing the impact on all those involved.

He knew the section of track which ‘worked’ for those wishing to end their lives and decided to take this route himself. Standing by the track, euphoric thoughts of the end of his turmoil turned to consideration of all the ‘what about’ factors.

““What about the train driver who can’t turn left or right or stop the train? ”

““What about my colleagues ‘clearing up’ my scattered body parts?”

““And what about my family?”

Gary’s wife serves in the Metropolitan Police, and they have 3 sons.

He turned away from the tracks and began a whole new chapter of his life.

It was to be a definitive moment leading to the creation of PTSD999 with Co-Founder Simon Durrance as they set out together to make a difference for those serving and their families.

““We set out to enable officers to talk about their feelings and emotions and the issues faced around prejudice – the stigma associated with the condition. This grew into treatment plans for those that sort our help. "

“PTSD999 operated as a not-for-profit social enterprise until, I am proud to say, on 12 March 2024, we became a registered charity."

“Our work continues.”

Gary has grown an exceptional team all with an immense passion about breaking down the barriers associated with PTSD and other mental health conditions and to get people talking.

Motorfinity are staunch supporters of the organisation and committed to help raise awareness of available help for our Emergency Services where there’s often no such thing as normal.

Over the coming weeks, Team Motorfinity will be sharing the stories of the PTSD999 organisation to stress their strong messaging:

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Our nation’s Armed Forces, Veterans, Emergency Services, NHS, Police and Prison Services, the Education and Social Care sectors and more form our eligible audience.